Nintendo finally pulled back the curtain on the Switch 2, and the internet responded with the emotional stability of a Golden Retriever hearing a cheese wrapper.
The console drops June 5 at $449.99, with a Mario Kart World bundle running $499.99.
Retailers opened preorders this week and the whole thing turned into a digital Black Friday riot.
Best Buy's queue system folded like a lawn chair.
Walmart listings flickered in and out of existence like a cursed ghost.
Target's app reportedly just showed everyone a spinning circle and a gentle suggestion to touch grass.
Within minutes, eBay scalpers were listing consoles at $900, because of course they were.
Here's the part that really grinds my gears: Nintendo is aware of this.
The company promised "sufficient supply" and a system designed to stop resellers, and yet here we are, refreshing a page like it's a Taylor Swift ticket drop.
It's giving "we learned nothing and we're proud of it." The hardware itself is a solid, if safe, upgrade.
Bigger screen, magnetic Joy-Cons that hopefully won't drift into the afterlife, 4K docked output, and that mysterious C button everyone's been squinting at.
Backward compatibility with original Switch games is the headline feature, which is honestly the only reason half of us aren't still mad about paying $80 for a game.
But let's talk about that price. $80 for Mario Kart World is a real number Nintendo typed on purpose.
That's two months of a streaming service you forgot to cancel.
The Switch 2 is inching toward "wait for a sale" territory, which is wild for a console that's basically a beefed-up version of the thing already sitting in your TV stand.
Meanwhile, the handheld PC crowd is watching from the sidelines like a smug older sibling.
The Steam Deck, the ROG Ally, that weird Lenovo thing nobody bought — they've all been doing 4K-ish gaming on the go for years.
Nintendo's counterargument is, as always, "but we have Mario," and honestly?
That plumber has ended more arguments than a marriage counselor.
If you already own a Switch and a pile of unplayed games, there is genuinely no rush here.
Launch titles look thin, the price is steep, and the supply chaos means you'll probably be fighting bots for the privilege of paying full price.
Our take: the Switch 2 will almost certainly be great, and you'll almost certainly love it.
But launching a $450 console into a bot-infested wasteland and calling it a "smooth experience" is the kind of corporate optimism that deserves a slow clap.
Final Thoughts
Save your money, mute the restock alert accounts, and let the early adopters beta test the Joy-Cons for you.