The company that brought you the $999 monitor stand and a Vision Pro nobody asked for is reportedly prepping another MacBook Pro refresh, and the rumor mill is churning out the usual mix of genuine upgrades and stuff that'll cost you an extra arm.
Let's start with the headline grabber: the Touch Bar might finally be gone for good.
If you've ever accidentally muted yourself during a Zoom call because your palm grazed a glowing strip of nothing, you're already celebrating.
Physical function keys appear to be making their triumphant return, which is less of a feature and more of an apology.
After years of making you carry a dongle collection like some kind of USB-C jewelry salesman, Apple's reportedly stuffing more ports back in.
HDMI, an SD card slot, maybe even MagSafe charging so you can stop tripping over your laptop cable like a cartoon character.
Revolutionary stuff, if you ignore the fact that 2015 called.
Every refresh brings a new M-something processor that benchmarks slightly faster than the last one, which is great news for the twelve people who render 8K video on a Tuesday.
For everyone else, your current MacBook still opens Chrome tabs just fine, thanks.
Apple is apparently considering an OLED display, which means deeper blacks and colors so vivid you'll forget you're just watching YouTube essays about the Roman Empire.
It also means a price tag that'll make your wallet file for emotional damages.
Expect the base model to cost roughly one used Honda Civic.
Battery life will probably get the obligatory "best ever" claim, which is technically true every single year because that's how time works.
And yes, there will be a webcam upgrade, because Apple spent a decade shipping 720p cameras that made everyone look like a blurry witness on a true crime documentary.
If you're rocking a 2019 MacBook Pro that sounds like a jet engine every time you open Spotify, sure, this might be your moment.
If you bought literally any M-series Mac in the last two years, you're fine.
Sit this one out and let the early adopters fund the next round of dongles.
The refresh is expected sometime later this year, which in Apple speak means "we'll announce it whenever we feel like it and you'll watch the livestream anyway." Mark your calendars for an event invite that says "one more thing" and delivers exactly one more thing. **The Verdict:** Apple's playing greatest hits again, but honestly, bringing back real ports and killing the Touch Bar is the most consumer-friendly move they've made in years.
Final Thoughts
It's a company finally admitting the last redesign was a mistake, and honestly, we'll take it.