Tesla rolled out its latest "Full Self-Driving" software update this week, and the internet immediately did what the internet does: filmed it doing something deeply stupid.
Owners across Reddit and X posted clips of their cars hesitating at green lights, phantom-braking on empty highways, and attempting lane changes into parking lots that were definitely not parking lots.
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has been sniffing around Autopilot and FSD for years now, and this latest version hasn't exactly calmed anyone's nerves.
Regulators opened inquiries after a string of crashes where the system was active.
Tesla's response has mostly been that drivers are supposed to pay attention, which is a fun thing to say about a feature literally named Full Self-Driving.
Here's the part that gets lost in the shouting: the name is doing a lot of heavy lifting.
And it is not really driving, in the sense that you can nap in the back seat.
It's a driver-assist system that requires an attentive human at the wheel, and Tesla's own manual says as much in the fine print nobody reads.
That said, the tech has genuinely improved.
Highway merging is smoother than it was two years ago.
For commuters stuck in soul-crushing traffic, adaptive cruise plus lane centering is a real quality-of-life upgrade — and you don't need to pay eight grand for the FSD package to get most of it.
FSD costs thousands up front or a monthly subscription, and Tesla keeps dangling robotaxi promises like a carrot on a very long stick.
If you buy it expecting a chauffeur, you'll be disappointed.
If you buy it expecting a slightly fancy cruise control that occasionally surprises you, you'll be fine.
The smarter play for most buyers is to skip the package, keep Autopilot's basic features, and revisit in a few years when the software has more miles under its belt.
Early adopters are basically unpaid beta testers with car payments, and that's a weird hobby to fund at this price point.
Our take: Tesla makes genuinely impressive cars, but "Full Self-Driving" is a marketing term wearing a lab coat.
Final Thoughts
Treat it like a mildly clever assistant, not a replacement driver, and you'll avoid becoming the next viral clip.