NVIDIA just dropped its latest graphics card, and if you've been holding out hope that prices would come back down to earth, I've got some oceanfront property in Nebraska to sell you.
The company unveiled the new flagship at its usual hype-fest, complete with a leather jacket, a chart that goes up and to the right, and enough jargon to make a crypto bro weep.
Let's get the numbers out of the way, because that's the part that matters when your rent is due.
The card starts at a cool $1,999, which is roughly the cost of a used Honda Civic that runs, or three months of groceries if you're feeding a family and not a Twitch streamer.
NVIDIA swears this thing is a "generational leap," which is marketing speak for "please buy it so our stock price keeps doing the thing." They showed off ray tracing so real you can see the individual pores on a goblin's face, and AI upscaling that'll make your 1080p Twitch streams look like they were shot on actual film.
The catch, because there's always a catch, is that you probably can't actually buy one.
Scalpers have reportedly already set up bot farms outside Micro Center locations, and the first wave of inventory is expected to vanish faster than free pizza at a tech conference.
If you do manage to snag one, congratulations, you now own a card that requires a power supply beefier than most small appliances.
Here's where it gets fun: the card draws so much wattage that some reviewers are joking you'll need a dedicated circuit breaker just for your gaming rig.
One early tester said his lights dimmed every time he launched Cyberpunk.
That's not a feature, folks, that's a cry for help from your electrical panel.
For the average person who just wants to play Fortnite without their frames dropping during a build fight, this is all absurd.
The previous generation still runs everything fine, and unless you're rendering Pixar movies in your basement, you don't need this.
But NVIDIA knows that, and they also know that the "prosumer" crowd will pay whatever it takes to say they have the best.
The real kicker is that the mid-range cards, the ones normal humans actually buy, are getting delayed.
So while enthusiasts fight over the halo product, the rest of us are stuck waiting for something that doesn't cost more than our car insurance.
If you're thinking about upgrading, my advice is to wait.
Prices on last-gen cards are already starting to dip, and the new hotness will be gathering dust on a shelf next to a PS5 Pro before you know it.
Unless you're made of money or running a render farm, this launch is a spectator sport.
Wake me when they make an affordable one that doesn't require a second mortgage and a generator.
Final Thoughts
Until then, I'll be over here playing indie games on a laptop from 2019 and feeling just fine about it.