Final Fantasy 7 Revelation Is Here And Fans Are Furious

Well, folks, it finally happened. Square Enix has officially announced *Final Fantasy 7: Revelation*, the third and presumably final entry in the remake trilogy. And if you thought the discourse around *Remake* and *Rebirth* was unhinged, buckle up, buttercup, because we are about to enter a new dimension of internet meltdowns. The announcement dropped during a 40-minute livestream that featured approximately 38 minutes of a man bowing and 2 minutes of actual gameplay. The trailer opens with Cloud staring at his own reflection in the Buster Sword while a choir whispers "Sephiroth" in reverse Latin. Very subtle. Very fresh. Never seen that before. Here's the setup: *Revelation* picks up after *Rebirth*'s infamous ending, where Cloud is doing his best impression of a guy who definitely did not just watch Aerith get stabbed. The multiverse is now fully canon, which means Square Enix can do literally anything and call it "thematic resonance." Zack is alive. Aerith is alive. Sephiroth is alive. Everyone is alive. Death has no meaning anymore. Congratulations, you played yourself. The internet, as expected, handled this with the grace and dignity of a Walmart on Black Friday. Reddit's r/FinalFantasyVII went private for six hours in protest. Twitter users are doxxing each other over whether Tifa or Aerith should get more screen time. A Change.org petition demanding the removal of the multiverse already has 200,000 signatures. It will accomplish nothing, but hey, it's the thought that counts. The real kicker? The game is reportedly 200 hours long and will be released in three parts. Yes, three parts. For the third game. That's nine total installments for a story that originally fit on three CDs. Square Enix looked at the concept of "pacing" and said, "Nah, we're good." Director Naoki Hamaguchi gave an interview where he explained the creative vision. "We wanted to explore what it means for Cloud to confront his own legacy while honoring the original while also subverting expectations while also giving fans exactly what they want while also challenging them." That's a direct quote, by the way. I wish I was joking. The combat system now features a "Destiny Gauge" that fills up when you perform specific actions. What actions? Nobody knows. The tutorial is 45 minutes long. There are seven different currencies. Materia now has a skill tree. A skill tree. For materia. Somewhere, a 1997 developer just woke up in a cold sweat. Pre-orders are live, and the $300 Collector's Edition includes a statue of Cloud, a replica of Aerith's ribbon, a steelbook case, a digital soundtrack, and a printed apology from the development team. That last one is not a joke. It's literally in the description. "We are sorry for the wait. Please understand." Look, I'll be honest. I'm going to buy it. You're going to buy it. We're all going to buy it and then complain about it for six years until the next remake of the remake comes out. The cycle continues. The Lifestream flows. Nothing ever ends. The game launches exclusively on PlayStation 5, PlayStation 6, and whatever console Sony announces between now and then. No release date yet, but insiders say "when it's ready." Which, based on Square Enix's track record, means 2031 at the earliest. **Final take:** *Final Fantasy 7: Revelation* is the perfect encapsulation of modern gaming—a beautiful, bloated, nonsensical mess that we'll all pretend to hate while secretly loving every ridiculous second. Square Enix knows exactly what they're doing. And we're all just along for the ride.