So apparently we're doing this again. Square Enix has officially announced *Final Fantasy 7: Revelation*, because nothing says "we've run out of ideas" quite like milking the same cow for the fourth time in a decade. And before you come at me in the comments, yes, I bought the last two remakes. Yes, I'll probably buy this one too. That's not the point.
The announcement dropped during a livestream that could've been an email, complete with a trailer that was 90% Cloud staring at his own reflection and 10% Sephiroth's hair flip. According to the press release, *Revelation* will "redefine the boundaries of narrative" and "explore untold depths of the FF7 universe." Translation: they're adding a new character with amnesia, a mysterious organization with a Latin name, and at least three hours of cutscenes you can't skip.
Here's what we actually know. The game picks up after the events of *Rebirth*, which itself was a "reimagining" of the middle chunk of a 1997 PlayStation game. The timeline is now so convoluted that even Kingdom Hearts fans are like, "Bro, maybe chill." Aerith might be alive, might be dead, might be a multiversal constant—depends on which interview you read and how much the developers had to drink that day.
The internet, predictably, lost its collective mind. Reddit's r/FinalFantasy crashed within minutes. Twitter/X was a cesspool of hot takes, with one viral post reading, "Final Fantasy 7: Revelation is just Advent Children with extra steps." Another user wrote, "I've spent more money on Tifa's polygonal wardrobe than my actual 401(k)." Fair.
Let's talk about the gameplay, or what they showed of it. Combat looks like the same action-RPG hybrid from *Remake* and *Rebirth*, because God forbid we get a turn-based system that doesn't require a cooldown meter. There's a new materia system called "Echoes," which is just the old system but with a purple UI. And yes, there's a fishing minigame. There's always a fishing minigame.
The story, according to the official synopsis, involves "a forgotten chapter of Shinra's past" and "a truth that will shatter everything you thought you knew." I'm calling it now: it's another Sephiroth clone. It's always another Sephiroth clone. At this point, Sephiroth has more copies than a Xerox machine in a DMV.
What's genuinely frustrating is that the original *FF7* is a masterpiece precisely because it was complete. It had a beginning, middle, and end. It didn't need a trilogy, a mobile spinoff, a battle royale, and a VR experience. But here we are, in 2025, watching Square Enix turn a beloved classic into a subscription-based lifestyle.
And the worst part? The graphics look stunning. The voice acting is top-tier. The music will make you cry in the shower. They know exactly what they're doing. They've weaponized our nostalgia, and we're lining up with our wallets open, muttering "this time it'll be different."
It won't be different. We'll complain, we'll meme, we'll pre-order the $200 collector's edition with the Cloud figurine that has removable Buster Sword. And then we'll do it all again when they announce *Final Fantasy 7: Redemption* in 2028.
**Closing take:** Square Enix has mastered the art of selling us the same story with new graphics and calling it a "reimagining." *Revelation* will be gorgeous, bloated, and narratively incoherent—and we'll eat it up like a Chocobo at a Gysahl Greens buffet. See you at launch.