Teen Finds 10,000-Year-Old Mastodon In Creek, Probably Wants It…

A teenager in California was just messing around in a creek when he literally tripped over the Ice Age. Because of course he did. While normal kids were inside playing video games and developing vitamin D deficiencies, this kid was out touching grass and accidentally unearthing a 10,000-year-old mastodon fossil. Some people have all the luck. According to reports, the unnamed teen was wandering a creek bed when he spotted what looked like a weird rock. Turns out it was the jawbone of a prehistoric elephant that went extinct around the same time your 401(k) started looking shaky. Paleontologists confirmed the find is legit, which is a relief, because for the first 24 hours everyone assumed it was just a really gnarly piece of driftwood or a prop from a rejected Jurassic Park sequel. The fossil is reportedly in remarkable condition, which experts say is rare. Usually, ancient bones get scattered, damaged, or turned into someone's Etsy jewelry before scientists can get to them. But this kid apparently has the instincts of a seasoned archaeologist, or he just tripped at the exact right angle. Either way, credit where it's due. Local officials are now trying to figure out what to do with the mastodon. Options include a museum display, a traveling exhibit, or letting the teen keep it in his garage next to his bike and a half-empty can of Monster Energy. I think we all know which one he's pushing for. "Mom, it's not junk, it's a scientific discovery. Can I put it in the living room?" The discovery has sparked renewed interest in the area's prehistoric past. Turns out California wasn't always just traffic jams and avocado toast. Ten thousand years ago, it was full of mammoths, mastodons, and saber-toothed cats. Honestly, sounds about the same, except the traffic was slower and the toast was probably worse. Experts say this find could help fill in gaps about how mastodons lived and died in the region. Maybe they got stuck in a tar pit. Maybe they were chased by predators. Or maybe, just like today, they wandered into a creek and immediately regretted it. Some things never change. The teen, for his part, is handling the fame well. He's been described as "excited" and "a little overwhelmed," which is exactly how you'd feel if you found a 10,000-year-old elephant in your backyard and suddenly had to give interviews about it. One day you're bored on a walk, the next you're the face of paleontology Twitter. Life comes at you fast. If this kid plays his cards right, he could parlay this into a scholarship, a book deal, or at least a lifetime of telling this story at parties. "Oh, what do I do? Well, I discovered an ancient mastodon. You?" Closing opinion: This is the most wholesome thing to happen in California since someone found a burrito that looked like a saint. The kid deserves all the hype, the mastodon deserves a proper museum, and the rest of us deserve to feel mildly inadequate for never having tripped over anything cooler than a curb.